


I always knew

by definitelythor (yourlionheartx)



Series: Please don't say you love me [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:56:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1363156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlionheartx/pseuds/definitelythor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to Blurring the lines and What a beautiful state. Dan and Phil start a friends with benefits type deal, but these things never work out, especially when feelings are this complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I always knew

Dan’s always liked guys, and girls, but mainly Phil. He thinks it’s kind of inevitable that he’s going to fall in love, and for a long time he’s quite content to keep it that way, unrequited. Sure, it hurts like hell a lot of the time, but it’s better to be like this than to make a mess of everything and lose Phil. Because Phil’s the first person Dan’s ever met who he can honestly call his best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). The thought of living without him now makes Dan feel sick.   
  
They share Phil’s single bed whenever Dan visits, and tonight they’re so close that Dan can feel Phil’s hot breath on his collarbone.   
  
Dan shifts a little, reaching his arm around Phil’s waist, his fingers catching on the material of his t shirt and lifting it. Phil blinks his eyes open, glancing at Dan.   
  
"I thought you were sleeping," Dan whispers. He bites his bottom lip.   
  
"Do you want to cuddle?" Phil asks, grinning.  
  
"Don’t take the piss." Dan smiles, hiding his face in the pillow, but Phil shifts closer to him and wraps his arm around him. Phil listens to Dan breathe out a content sigh. He runs his fingers through the hair at the [base](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) of Dan’s neck.   
  
"Dan," Phil whispers. Dan looks up at him, hair all ruffled, and Phil ducks to press their lips together. Dan kisses back after half a moment of surprise. Phil feels his fingers gripping at his shirt as he opens his mouth, moaning quietly when Phil sucks at his bottom lip.   
  
"What was that for?" Dan asks once Phil has moved away. "I don’t think it’s that normal to snog your best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#)." Dan shuffles a little further towards Phil any way.   
  
"No. But normal’s boring. Who wants to be normal?" Phil’s lips quirk into a smile, and Dan’s feeling too sleepy to argue, so he just smiles back.   
  
Neither of them have ever been shy around each other, from the first [skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) call they’ve been talking about things Dan never had anyone else to talk to about. And they’ve always talked about sex. When they first met Phil showed Dan how to leave a love bite, and Dan had carried around the evidence of that lesson for nearly two days before it began to fade. They’re close enough that even their parents suspect there’s more than friendship going on, but Dan adamantly denies it, not because he’s uncomfortable with the idea, but because it’s fucking ridiculous.   
  
Until it isn’t any more.   
  
**  
  
The first time it ever happens is while Dan’s staying at Phil’s and they’re listening to music on Phil’s bed. Dan’s eyes wander over to the bottle of lube on Phil’s bedside table, and he looks back at Phil before rolling over and staring up at the ceiling. “Does that stuff actually taste like cherries?” he asks.   
  
Phil tries to hide his laugh behind his hand. “It’s a little plasticy, I’m not going to lie. But it smells good.”  
  
Phil reaches over Dan and grabs the bottle, un-capping the lid and holding it out to Dan to sniff and Dan nods. “What do you use it for?”  
  
"Want me to show you?"  
  
Dan stares, and Phil holds his gaze, just a hint of a smile lifting the corner of his lips at Dan’s expression, which must be pretty comical.   
  
Dan takes a shaky breath. “Are you kidding?” he asks.  
  
"I’m not sure." Phil watches Dan for a moment longer, and Dan can feel his cheeks blushing red as he fidgets where he’s sitting. "You’re my best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). I don’t - I don’t want to mess that up, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, of course," Dan says, trying to hide the smile that tries to fight onto his face, his chest swelling at the sound of Phil calling him his best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), which is something he can’t imagine he’ll ever get sick of hearing.   
  
"Do you want to kiss me again?" Phil asks.   
  
"You’re a good kisser," Dan says quietly. He can’t keep looking at Phil because there’s this dark look in his blue eyes that’s hard to stay focused on for too long.   
  
"That wasn’t my question."  
  
Phil moves a little closer to Dan and Dan’s eyes flicker down to watch the pink of his tongue wetting his lips.   
  
"Yeah. Well, I was purposefully avoiding the question because I do want to kiss you, and I don’t think I _should_ want to kiss you, so - “  
  
Dan makes a startled noise when Phil moves [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) and presses his lips to Dan’s. He moves to dig his fingers into Phil’s shoulder, gripping at his shirt and pulling him forward, opening his mouth when Phil’s tongue moves over his lip.   
  
Dan can feel Phil’s stubble against his skin and when Phil pushes Dan back down onto the bed, his hands are large and firm on Dan’s chest. Phil shifts to straddle his hips, sliding his tongue over Dan’s and then sucking his bottom lip between his. When he breaks the kiss he’s breathing heavily and Dan watches as he slowly opens his eyes. He has this look on his face that Dan’s never seen before.   
  
"Woah," Phil whispers. Dan blinks a few times, and them grabs the front of Phil’s shirt and tugs him down to kiss him again, licking slowly into his mouth. His breath hitches when he feels Phil rock his hips gently, almost cautiously, into Dan’s. Dan feels Phil leaning down into him, so their chests are pressed together and they’re touching at every point, and he feels a building burn of arousal as Phil starts to properly [move](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) his hips. His stomach feels like it’s twisting in knots and he slides his hands up under Phil’s shirt and over his flushed skin.   
  
"Fucking hell," Dan breathes.   
  
"You’re hard," Phil says. He moves to kiss Dan’s neck, and Dan tilts his head, staring up at Phil’s ceiling and glancing at the Kill Bill [poster](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) and the Buffy pictures on Phil’s wall, feeling their eyes watching him.  
  
He’s about to come out with something biting and sarcastic, because he can feel Phil’s erection pressing hard against his leg, but then Phil moves his hand to rub his palm over the front of Dan’s jeans. Dan gasps at the friction, and Phil sucks hard at the skin on his neck, so Dan can’t figure out what he’s meant to be focusing on. He lets out another moan as Phil scrapes his teeth over his skin.  
  
Phil starts getting Dan’s jeans button undone. He glances up at Dan’s wide eyes. “Tell me if you want me to [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). I mean - I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, Dan. ”  
  
Dan lets out a breath. He can still feel how hard Phil is and he thinks it should definitely feel weirder than it does. Phil keeps staring down at him, his hair falling into his face.   
  
"I don’t want you to [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#)."  
  
Phil raises his eyebrows. “No?”  
  
Dan shakes his head. Phil cups him through his jeans again, smiling and looking stupidly cute and innocent for someone who’s getting Dan’s flies undone with one hand like he’s done it a hundred times before. Dan lifts his hips to make it easier for Phil to pull them away.   
  
"Have you ever given a blow job?" Phil asks.  
  
"No."  
  
"I’m going to show you how, okay?"  
  
Dan just looks up at the ceiling and tries to steady his breathing as he feels Phil palming over the front of his boxers, his fingers curling around the shape of his cock through the material.   
  
"I’ve also got pina colada, which might be more your thing?" Phil whispers. Dan’s breath hitches again when he feels Phil’s breath against his stomach. Phil runs the pads of his thumbs over Dan thighs, waiting for Dan’s breathing to steady and for him to calm down a little.   
  
He pulls away Dan’s boxers, and even though Dan knows that Phil’s seen him naked before, he feels so insecure and a little vulnerable under Phil’s stare. His pulse begins to speed up so he can hear his heart [pound](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) in his ears.   
  
Phil trails his fingertips over Dan’s hip bone, making Dan shiver. Then he moves his hand to wrap around Dan’s cock, stroking over him. Dan fists the sheets under him and swallows, trying not to make some sound that’s going to embarrass him. He closes his eyes, squeezes them shut, and then he feels the cool liquid over his cock.   
  
"That’s fucking freezing," Dan mutters, but he chokes out a moan when the cold is almost immediately replaced by the warm wetness of Phil’s tongue.  
  
"Hey, open your eyes. You gotta watch me," Phil mutters. He moves his hair from his eyes and glances up at Dan, who shifts up onto his elbows to look down and watch.    
  
"You’re [learning](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) from the best, so pay attention."  
  
"You’re so fucking full of yourself," Dan says. Phil grins. He closes his mouth over the tip of Dan’s cock, and then he moves down. Dan gasps as Phil takes away his hand and he feels him swallow, his nose brushing Dan’s pelvis. Dan falls back onto the pillows and bites down on [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) of his hand to stop the moan in his throat, but he still makes this whimpering noise. Phil pulls back and takes a breath before he starts to bob his head instead, working his mouth and his tongue quickly.   
  
“Show off,” Dan manages to gasp out, and Phil pulls away to laugh again. He looks up at Dan, his eyes shining.   
  
“I hope you’re taking notes,” he says.  
  
“Yeah, hang on, I’ll just write all this down while my cock is on your mouth,” Dan says, rolling his eyes.   
  
Phil ducks again and swirls his tongue over the head of Dan’s cock, looking up at Dan as he does and trying to keep the smile from his face. Dan watches as Phil hollows his cheeks and moves down again, his lips tight around Dan’s cock. Dan shakes and arches his back, pushing himself further into Phil’s mouth.   
  
"Phil, should I tell you when I’m about to come - " Dan breathes.   
  
Phil pulls away to shake his head. He sinks down again, and sets a rhythm [back up](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), and Dan reaches down a shaking hand to tangle in Phil’s hair. He can hear himself breathing heavily. His hips keep twitching forward as he comes, biting hard on his lip and shuddering. He tries to keep quiet, making a little noise in his throat as Phil swallows and moves to look up at Dan.  
  
His hair is all sticking up and he’s breathing hard, his lips parted.   
  
"Well, fuck," Dan mutters.   
  
Phil moves, straddling Dan’s hips and leaning [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) to cup his jaw, fingers brushing [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) of his neck as he leans down and kisses him hard. “You’re every bit as good at kissing as I imagined you’d be,” Phil says, breathlessly, and Dan laughs.  
  
"You’re better at giving head than I imagined you’d be."  
  
"Really? Awesome."  
  
Dan can tell that Phil isn’t even bothering to hide the smug look on his face. He watches as Phil gets some more of the lube onto his fingers and then reaches to swipe it over Dan’s lip. Dan licks over it and scrunches his nose.   
  
"No?" Phil asks, laughing quietly at Dan’s expression.  
  
"It’s not terrible. Can I try the pina colada one?"  
  
Phil pours it out onto his other hand, and then he presses the pad of his finger to Dan’s bottom lip and pushes his mouth open, slipping his finger into Dan’s mouth and watching as Dan sucks on it, his eyes dark and staying locked on Phil.   
  
"You’re really quite gorgeous, you know?" Phil says.   
  
Dan pulls back, licking over his lips and shaking his head. “I don’t [agree](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), but thanks.”  
  
Phil moves [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), so his breath is ghosting over Dan’s lips and then smiles and kisses his jaw, pressing his lips over his neck and nipping his teeth over his pulse, licking over the skin.   
  
Dan reaches to the front of Phil’s jeans as Phil moves up onto his knees. He presses his lips to Dan’s again, helping Dan to pull away his jeans and boxers.   
  
"Shit, Dan," Phil breathes when Dan wraps his fingers around him. Phil moves his hand to Dan’s neck, holding him in place as he kisses him harder and pushes into his hand. Dan breaks the kiss to take a breath, his thumb moving over the head of Phil’s cock and making Phil’s hips stutter.   
  
"I want to suck you," Dan says quietly. Phil moves to brush their noses, his lips barely touching Dan’s. He runs his hands under Dan’s t shirt and rolls up the material until Dan lifts his arms and Phil pulls it away and throws it onto the floor.   
  
"Are you sure?" Phil whispers. Dan shifts, rolling over to press Phil back against the bed and move over him.   
  
"Yeah, pretty fucking sure."  
  
Phil moves [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) and catches Dan’s lips in another kiss.   
  
"You should be naked-er," Dan mutters, tugging on Phil’s shirt.   
  
When Phil’s pulled his shirt over his head, Dan wonders for a second if they just crossed a [line](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). Giving each other clumsy blow jobs seems to be one thing, and kind of disturbingly normal for the two of them, but they’re actually naked together and Dan’s pretty sure he can feel himself getting hard again already. Phil shuts up all the thoughts in Dan’s head when he lifts his hips and Dan feels his cock pressing against his stomach.   
  
"Earth to Dan, sorry to interrupt but I was promised a blow job," Phil says, still grinning like the whole thing is really amusing to him.   
  
"I never made any promises," Dan says, raising his eyebrows. Phil huffs out a laugh and then tugs Dan forwards for another kiss. He bites down on Dan’s bottom lip.   
  
"Cherry or pina colada," he whispers, nodding over to the two bottles, and Dan shrugs, reaching out to grab the cherry one.   
  
When he opens the lid, he’s squeezing too hard on the bottle and a load of the sticky liquid comes flooding out and onto Phil’s bed. For a second, they both stare at the mess in a stunned silence, but then Phil just starts to laugh, his hand covering his mouth as he shakes with giggles. Dan can’t help but join in, until both of them are doubled over and unable to gain composure.  
  
"Fuck, I was trying to be sexy," Dan mutters.  
  
"You _really_ don’t need to try.”  
  
Dan rolls his eyes, but he smiles at Phil, trying to hide it. “Shut up,” he mutters.   
  
"Have you ever thought of me while getting off? Tell the truth, " Phil says.   
  
Dan keeps his eyes fixed on Phil, thinking of all the times, some before he even met Phil, when he did exactly that. He swallows and watches as Phil’s face breaks into a smile.   
  
"I think about you," Phil admits.   
  
“ _Fuck_. Why?”  
  
"You really have no idea, do you? Jesus, Dan, you’re really, really hot."  
  
Dan hides the flush on his cheeks by ducking his head so his hair falls into his eyes. He looks down at Phil’s cock, not even bothering to disguise the fact he’s staring. It feels like his heart is in his throat, making it hard for him to breathe as he clumsily takes Phil in his hand.   
  
The remnants of the lube are still all over Dan’s palm as he strokes his hand over Phil, and it already feels like too much, like he’s going to blink his eyes open at any minute and find himself cold and sticky and in his own bed at his parents house.   
  
Phil’s breath catches when Dan twists his hand a little and tightens his grip, and then he moves, ducking his head to lick over the head of Phil’s cock. Phil lets out a puff of breath and Dan glances up at him before taking him half way into his mouth.  
  
"Oh god," Phil chokes out. He glances down and can only bear to watch Dan for a moment before he collapses back against the pillows. Dan starts bobbing his head up and down, keeping his eyes on Phil, watching him chewing on his lips, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks, and all Dan can think is _im doing this, im the one making him feel good._   
  
Phil’s trying to find something coherent to say when Dan pulls back a little and swirls his tongue over the head of his cock, mirroring Phil’s action from earlier. He glances up at Phil with this filthy grin and Phil just lets out a shocked laugh, shaking his head a little.   
  
"Am I doing all right?" Dan asks.   
  
"Yeah - really, really good."  
  
Dan grins, moving forward again and closing his lips around Phil. He sinks down, pretty sure he isn’t going to be able take Phil all the way, although maybe with a bit more practice, but for now he focuses on the noises Phil is making, the little gasps and pants of his breath, and the weight of his hand on [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) of Dan’s head. Dan moves slowly, his lips meeting his closed fist, pulling back every few seconds to catch his breath.   
  
He’s pretty sure he’s being clumsy and sloppy about it all, but for a first blow job he can’t help but feel slightly proud at how Phil’s reacting to it. He feels Phil tensing and watches his hand clench into a fist, fingernails digging into his palm.   
  
"I’m gonna come," Phil warns between gasps. He squeezes his eyes shut, gasping, and Dan moves to work his hand quickly over Phil’s length, jerking him through his orgasm.   
  
Dan doesn’t really think about it when he lifts his fingers to his mouth and licks them, sucking them into his mouth. Phil stares, still trying to catch his breath. “Christ,” he mutters.   
  
As Dan listens to Phil’s breathing steady out, he looks around [the room](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), not really knowing what to do with himself. They’re quiet for a moment and then Phil shifts, flicking his fringe from his eyes and smiling up at Dan.   
  
"Come here," he says, tugging Dan down next to him.   
  
Dan curls into Phil side, feeling the heat from his body and running his fingers lightly over his arm, and he can feel Phil watching him.  
  
"I really want to say, let’s not make a habit of this, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that," Phil says.   
  
"Because I’m so fucking irresistible?" Dan says, looking up at Phil and winking.  
  
Phil rolls his eyes. “Yeah.”  
  
Dan gives Phil a small smile. “Okay, we’ll see what happens then, Phil.”  
  
  
Phil doesn’t want it to become a thing, because he thinks deep down somewhere he has feelings for Dan, feelings that twist up his insides. And if they do something about that and screw everything up, they could lose each other in the [process](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). Phil never has been that good at taking risks.   
  
  
But it does become a thing.   
  
Phil grips Dan by his belt loops and brings their hips together, pushing his tongue past Dan’s lips as Dan grips Phil’s hair a little too tightly. He twists his fingers and moans as Phil shoves him back against the wall. Phil can feel Dan’s erection pressing into his own when Dan grinds his hips forward. He breaks the kiss to pant against Dan’s mouth.   
  
"This," Phil says, pressing another kiss to Dan’s open mouth. "Is becoming a [problem](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), Daniel."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because - what are we doing?"  
  
"[Friends with benefits](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). I don’t know - best friends with _really_ great benefits. It’s all very, _very_ platonic,” Dan says, grinning.   
  
Phil smiles, shaking his head. “Platonic sex? [No strings attached](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#).”  
  
"Absolutely no strings, no strings any where."  
  
Dan can feel Phil’s fingers trailing under his t shirt and then he walks backwards towards his bed, bringing Dan with him. They lie down, Dan hovering over Phil, dark eyes moving over him. He moves so his lips brush against Phil’s and Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, rucking up his t shirt.   
  
"Two single, bisexual, apparently _really_ horny guys who want to get off every now and then - no big deal,” Phil breathes.  
  
"Can you just shut up for a minute and kiss me?"  
  
Phil smiles and leans up to kiss Dan hard, nails digging into his back as Dan pushes their hips together. He moves to fist one hand in the sheets next to Phil’s head and he moves his hips quickly. Phil moves his hands to Dan’s arse, pulling him closer and rutting his hips up to meet Dan’s fast rhythm.   
  
Their movements are frantic and Phil feels completely overcome with a need that he can’t even figure out. He breaks the kiss to stare up at Dan, watching him squeezing his eyes shut and gasping.  
  
” _Dan_ ,” Phil gasps. He reaches to runs his hands through Dan’s hair, pushing it from his face. It doesn’t take long for them both to come and [collapse](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) next to each other, the sound of their breathing filling the empty house.   
  
They both stay silent for a moment. Then Dan nudges Phil’s knee with his own and watches Phil twist his lip into a frown, moving his head to look at Dan properly. “What?”  
  
"Do you believe in soul mates?" Dan asks, his voice still a little breathless.   
  
Phil swallows, taking a mouthful of air and then shrugging. “Do you?”  
  
"I think so. Not always romantic though, you know, like [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) soul mates too. Red string of fate and all that shit."  
  
"All that shit, exactly."  
  
Phil looks back at the ceiling and tries to ignore Dan’s eyes on him. “So, that’s a no then?” Dan asks after a moment.  
  
"There isn’t one person made for each of us, that’s - that’s just really sad, because what if someone never finds that person?"  
  
"They’re unlucky."  
  
Phil opens his mouth and then realises what Dan’s getting at and swallows his words. He bites on the inside of his cheek and shakes his head, but he stays quiet. Because he knows Dan’s right, if any such thing as ‘soul mates’ really exists, there’s no denying that Dan is Phil’s and Phil is Dan’s, that’s just how it is.   
  
And that alone is so fucking terrifying to Phil that he finds himself unable to breathe for a second.   
  
**  
  
Phil would have to be really fucking stupid not to recognise the look in Dan’s eyes whenever he walks into [the room](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). His whole face breaks into this ridiculous huge smile, and he follows Phil like a cat watching a bird, eyes flickering over him. And it isn’t something Phil can handle, which seems stupid because Phil’s meant to be an adult but this all feels way out of his comfort zone. He just can’t risk fucking everything up.  
  
"You’re my best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) in the world, okay? No matter what happens, I need you to know that you’re the best person I’ve ever met," he says one day when Dan’s curled up next to him, half naked.   
  
Dan watches him for a moment. “Are you okay?”  
  
"Yeah. Fine. Just - we should set some rules for this thing we’re doing."  
  
"The platonic, [friends with benefits](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), no strings attached sex thing?"  
  
Phil smiles. “Yeah, that.”  
  
"Okay, what rules then?"   
  
"Um. If one of us wants to [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) \- then we just stop yeah? If it goes too far and it feels like we might mess something up."  
  
Dan bites on his lip. “Okay.”  
  
"And if one of us meets someone, then that’s cool. Because this is sex, and if you meet someone good for you I want you to be happy."  
  
"Right."  
  
Phil’s quiet for a moment, watching Dan with this strange expression on his face. “Are you in love with me, Dan?” he asks.   
  
Dan flinches, surprised at the seemingly out of the blue question. “ _No_. No way. You’re my best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), I love you but not - not like that.”  
  
Phil just raises his eyebrows in a way that suggests he doesn’t believe Dan.  
  
"Basically the rule is, we keep this strictly about sex? Because okay, I’m fine with that," Dan says, nodding his head a little too enthusiastically.   
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, of course."  
  
Dan’s pretty sure the look that flashes across Phil’s face is disappointment, but then that’s ridiculous, so he doesn’t bother mentioning it.   
  
**  
  
They’re playing Mario kart, and Dan’s beating Phil as usual, when Phil takes on a new tactic, moving behind Dan, breathing heavily against [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) of his neck.   
  
_"Phil_ ,” Dan warns.

"Later I might show you other ways to use that lube," Phil says. He doesn’t take his eyes off of the television, but Dan glances behind him and sees his smirk.   
  
"What other ways?" Dan asks. He looks back at his kart, which is rapidly falling behind the others.  
  
"Ever had a rim job?"  
  
Dan crashes into the wall, his breath catching in his throat. “Fuck, Phil,” he mutters, trying to reverse out of the mess he’s in.   
  
Phil laughs. “I’m pretty sure I could get you to come by licking you out - without even touching your cock.”  
  
” _Phil._ [Stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) it, I’m losing.”  
  
"You never lose, what’s going on, Dan?" Phil ducks his head and bites into the skin on Dan’s shoulder. He looks [back up](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) at the screen as he goes through the finish line and then glances at Dan’s kart which isn’t even moving any more. Dan’s staring at Phil with dark eyes. When Phil drops his gaze he sees how hard he is under his jeans.   
  
"You are _so[easy](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#)_ ,” he says.  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"Or I could fuck _you_? I mean, which would you prefer?”  
  
Dan’s eyes go wide. “I - don’t know. Jesus, someone’s got the horn on today.”   
  
Phil laughs again, shifting to kiss Dan’s neck and lick over the bite marks. “I really want to fuck you,” he says, and Dan goes quiet.   
  
"Phil," Dan says after what feels like minutes of silence.   
  
"Yeah, bear?"

"I want you to too."  
  
Phil inhales sharply, nodding his head and then biting at his lip and moving his hand over the front of Dan’s jeans. “Okay. Right. [Clothes](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) off then,” he says, stumbling over his words a little and then clearing his throat.   
  
"You’re cute when you’re nervous," Dan says with a smile. He pulls his t shirt up and over his head and then reaches to place his hand over Phil’s and press it harder against him, rutting up into the [touch](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#).   
  
"I’m not nervous," Phil lies. "Come to my room - I don’t want my mum coming home from work and - I shouldn’t be talking about my mum right now. That’s gross."  
  
"I don’t know. She could join in," Dan jokes.   
  
“ _Fuck you_ and ugh, that’s - just shut up. And get your ass in my bedroom.”  
  
"Yes, _sir_ ,” Dan says, with a stupid grin on his face.   
  
He follows Phil into his room, bringing his t shirt with him and watching as Phil grabs the lube from his drawer and then turns to Dan and pulls his own shirt over his head, not bothering with his buttons. Dan smiles and starts getting his belt undone, moving to kiss Phil as he does. He drops his jeans and boxers to his ankles, stepping out of them and letting Phil push him down on to the bed.   
  
His hair fans out on the pillow and Phil stares for a moment, transfixed, before blinking out of it and getting off his own jeans. He climbs onto the bed with Dan.   
  
Phil covers his fingers with the lube and reaches to circle Dan’s hole, pushing his legs a little wider. Dan’s holding his breath and, as Phil slowly pushes inside, he realises how young Dan looks, his hair curly because they showered together just a few hours ago and his dimple deep on his cheek as he presses his lips together.   
  
"Have you ever done this - " Phil starts. He watches Dan carefully.   
  
"I’ve done it to myself, yeah," Dan says quietly, blushing deep red and not looking at Phil.   
  
"Oh god. _Jesus Christ_ , okay,” Phil mutters. Dan throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh at Phil’s incoherency.   
  
He squirms, shifting and wiggling until Phil brushes his finger over something inside him that makes him gasp and fall back against the sheets. “ _Fuck_ ,” he breathes. Phil curls his finger to find it again, rubbing over it until Dan’s gasping and pressing back into him. Then Phil pushes a second finger in and Dan groans.  
  
Dan’s hips start moving back to meet the thrusts of Phil’s hand, and soon Phil’s able to add a third finger, keeping his eyes on Dan to watch for any signs of discomfort. Dan swallows and Phil’s eyes follow a drop of sweat as it falls from Dan’s forehead down his temple and onto the pillow.   
  
"This all right?" Phil asks. He reaches to run his hand over Dan’s cock, and Dan huffs out a breath, squeezing his eyes shut.   
  
"Yeah," he says, nodding his head. He’s fully hard now, his cock straining against his stomach. Phil watches his fingers disappearing inside of Dan up to the knuckle. He reaches his other hand to palm himself through his boxers.  
  
"Please, Phil," Dan whispers. Phil pulls his fingers out, watching Dan bite on his lip. He pulls his boxers away and reaches for the lube again, coating himself with it before shifting [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) and pressing against Dan’s hole.   
  
Dan shifts, moving so he can wrap his legs around Phil’s waist and Phil leans down to kiss him as he inches in. Dan gasps, arching his back and staring up at the ceiling with his lip still caught between his teeth, turning red under the pressure.  
  
"Look at me," Phil urges.   
  
Dan looks back at Phil, panting breaths against his lips. He winces a little as Phil moves again, pressing deep so they’re flush against each other and Phil lets out a long exhale, closing his eyes for a moment.  
  
"Fuck," Dan hisses. He swallows, and Phil kisses him, licking into his mouth and then rolling his hips and feeling Dan’s breath catch in his throat.   
  
Dan’s ridiculously tight and Phil has to pause to steady his breathing before he moves again. He watches Dan’s eyes flutter closed, his lips quirking into a smile as he reaches to grip at Phil’s shoulders, leaving nail marks as he digs into the [skin](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#).   
  
"You’re okay, yeah?" Phil gasps.   
  
Dan nods his head. “Yeah, _fuck_.”  
  
Phil would make some joke about how many times Dan says _fuck_ during sex, but he finds himself unwilling to make any comments, in [case](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) he ruins this. Dan shifts again and makes this whining noise in his throat when Phil presses in deeper. Phil starts to fuck him a little faster then, a little harder, his hands cupping Dan’s face as he kisses him, flicking his tongue over Dan’s. He moves to drag his lips over Dan’s jaw and trace his tongue over a vein on Dan’s neck.   
  
Then he works a hand between them to wrap around Dan’s cock, stroking as he pulls out and then [quickly](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) pushes himself [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) again, watching Dan open his mouth and arch his back.   
  
He’s beautiful. He’s so fucking beautiful, and Phil can’t tear his eyes away from flushed [skin](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) and messed up hair, and he looks _wrecked_ and Phil doesn’t bother trying to hold back the moan that escapes his lips.   
  
He pumps his fist as he continues to thrust into Dan, and feels Dan shaking. His eyes close and Phil watches as he comes over Phil’s hand and clenches around him, his mouth falling open. Phil loses it then, his orgasm coursing through him as he shudders against Dan and breathes out his name, feeling blood rushing to his cheeks and his heart pounding in his ears.   
  
"Fuck," Dan says again, like it’s the only word left in his vocabulary, and Phil just nods, pulling out gently and slumping next to Dan on his bed. He feels Dan squirming next to him and screws up his face.  
  
"Sorry for - _shit._ Like, I should have pulled out,” Phil says quietly, his cheeks going pink. All he can think is _i just came inside dan, holy fuck, i just came inside dan_ and he’s struggling to catch his breath.   
  
"It’s okay," Dan says.   
  
Phil shuffles closer to him and Dan turns around so Phil can spoon him, tracing his fingers over Dan’s hip. He tries to focus on getting his heart to slow down, but he can’t imagine that’s going to happen any time soon.   
  
**  
  
Dan goes back to Woking and Phil spends a few days organising stuff for his new flat. He’s thinking about asking Dan to move in with him once he starts his second year at [university](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#), if he even ends up getting into Manchester because that might not happen. In [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) of his mind Phil imagines them living together and making a real go of things, and he wants to tell Dan this but every time he tries he just gets breathless and his hands shake and he’s _too scared._  
  
Keeping Dan at a distance just _works_ and it seems like a logical plan. Phil’s too terrified to [step](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) forward, so he takes a step back instead.   
  
"You’re being so weird, Phil," Dan says over [Skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#). He waits, raising an eyebrow, and Phil just stares at him for a little bit too long.  
  
"You know what we said about getting into other [relationships](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#)?"  
  
Dan goes very still, the little smile on his face vanishing. Phil watches as he chews on his bottom lip for a moment. “Yeah.”  
  
"Yeah - I got a boyfriend, I think, so that’s a thing that’s happening now." Phil forces a smile. Dan looks like he’s about to throw up, and the sight makes Phil’s stomach twist with guilt. Another minute passes, and then Dan’s face breaks into this huge, fake smile.  
  
"Okay then, wow. I’m happy for you. I’m happy if you’re happy, and you’re happy, right?" he says, far too quickly.   
  
"I’m happy."  
  
"I got into Manchester uni." Dan shrugs a shoulder, almost like he’s apologising for it, and then it’s Phil’s turn to feel sick. He blinks at Dan, watching as he holds up his acceptance letter with a sad kind of smile on his lips.   
  
"Oh my god, well done," Phil breathes. He’s genuinely happy for Dan because he knows how much Dan wanted to get in, how the course had been perfect for him, and whether that was just because Dan wanted to be closer to Phil, or because he really did like the university, isn’t something Phil wants to think about.  
  
"Thanks. I don’t know if I deserved it. I mean, I missed the actual grade requirements by a few marks so - "

"You deserve it, you totally worked your arse off."  
  
Dan wets his lips with his tongue, watching Phil for a [moment](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) and then nodding. “I did work fucking hard.”  
  
Phil lets out a long breath and nods, smiling properly now, because it’s _Dan_. They’ll be fine, they’ll always be fine.   
  
Dan returns Phil’s smile, and he doesn’t need an explanation, because he knows Phil’s not going any where. They’re still best friends, and if he tries to question it, then strings might get attached, and things might get fucked, so he leaves it.   
  


  
Phil hasn’t got a boyfriend. He’s met a guy he can sleep with every now and then, a guy to take his mind off of Dan. Telling Dan he has a boyfriend feels so much easier than saying, _hey I fell in love with you_. Phil thinks this will be better in the long run. The thought doesn’t help him feel any less guilty when Dan hastily says good bye and shuts [Skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) down.   
  
They let it fall apart really, neither of them do anything to [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/54689312310/title-i-always-knew-pairing-phan-rating-nc-17#) it. Dan thinks it was always going to end, because he knows this kind of arrangement never really works out. Neither of them consider the thought that years later they could get pulled back in.


End file.
